While there’s so much beauty in motherhood, there’s also so much stress. Keeping a child safe, healthy, alive and thriving is already the responsibility of a lifetime. But the unrelenting to-do lists, family management, professional and community work, while nurturing friendships and our own health make the stresses of parenthood seem insurmountable some days.
A Way Out
Sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski, the authors of The New York Times bestseller Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, have given us a silver lining, however.
Relief from stress doesn’t have to mean living on a tropical island with no responsibilities and all the time in the world. Some stressors in life will never disappear -- particularly for parents -- and running from these stressors won’t actually bring you peace. To reach that safe harbor again, you have to manage the physiological experience that stress induces in your body. You have to complete the stress cycle.
The stress cycle has a beginning, a middle and an end. Most of us get stuck in the middle and don’t make our way out. This is what causes burnout. And most of us know, whether we’re willing to admit it openly or not, we are battling burnout on a regular basis.
The most common causes of burnout -- that is, getting stuck in the tunnel of stress -- are depersonalization, a decreased sense of accomplishment, and emotional exhaustion.
Sound familiar? Women, in particular, are most susceptible to emotional exhaustion.
Completing the Stress Cycle
So how do we complete the stress response? Eliminating the stressor is always beneficial, if that’s possible, but you must then resolve the experience in your body. When we are experiencing stress, it’s not just our mind that’s affected. Our heart rate increases as blood is pumped to our extremities to help us either fight or flee the scene. Meanwhile, our digestion and immune systems slow down -- only to wreak havoc on us later. Stress is a whole-body experience. But mammals have a way of processing stress out of the body. Here’s how you do it:
Move your body -- any form of physical activity!
Breathe with your diaphragm -- take deep inhales that fill your abdomen with air and let out long, slow exhales
Have a positive social experience -- find a moment of connection with someone, even if it’s simply a moment
Laugh -- full-on belly laughter that makes your eyes water
Express affection -- hug a loved one for 20 seconds, which research shows can “change your hormones, lower your blood pressure and heart rate and improve mood”
Have a big old cry -- it doesn’t have to be lengthy; just let the tears flow, and they will come to a natural conclusion if you can refrain from feeding the crying with thoughts about the cause of the stress
Express yourself creatively and/or use your imagination -- build something; transfer your energy into a creation; imagine a story that absorbs your stress.
As Emily and Amelia write in their book, “To be well is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure or excitement, back to safety and calm, and out again. Stress is not bad for you. Being stuck is bad for you.”
When you feel your body shift into the fight or flight stress response, or sometimes even the freeze response, know that you can reach the light at the end of the tunnel. You have to walk (or run or dance or cry) your way there. Only then will your body feel safe again and your mind can settle.
This scientific evidence is a chief inspiration behind Nave. Alleviating chronic stress and nurturing positive, peaceful thoughts is the number one way to maintain our own health and bring healthy children into the world.
As famous researcher Brené Brown said in her terrific podcast with Emily and Amelia, this knowledge and the content of Burnout will “change your life”! So, pick up Burnout and remember: when the going gets tough, move your body and breathe!
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