For even the most introverted, the isolation of new motherhood can be crippling. During one of the most physically, emotionally and mentally transformative periods in our lives, many of us are left alone to wade through the journey. This defies everything we know about social psychology. Humans need connection to flourish.
Rooted in Human Evolution
A prominent theory in evolutionary science is that human brains evolved to be superior and larger due to the size of our communities. The breadth and intricacy of our social networks are what differentiate us from other mammals and what develop our intelligence.
As written in Scientific American by researcher Dr. Michael Harré: “Our brains are not as large as they are in order to provide each of us with the raw computational power to think our way out of a sticky situation; instead our brain size helps each of us to deal with the large and complex network of relationships we rely on to thrive.”
Encoded in our DNA is a necessity for community. It’s no wonder we feel such sadness, pain,
anger and anxiety as we cradle our children, though they are our most treasured gifts. At the same time, our hearts beat outside of our chests, and we’re filled with more gratitude and love than we think we can contain. This vast spectrum of emotion is meant to be shared and tended to by our family, friends and neighbors.
Community Protects Against Postpartum Depression
Research also shows that social support is a major buffer of postpartum depression. The bigger the social network of a mother, the less postpartum depression occurs. Community provides emotional healing to new parents in several forms -- a conduit for new parents to express their intense experiences and feelings, a team of at-the-ready helpers to assist with caring for the baby and family, a wellspring of wisdom collected from the experiences of family, fellow mothers, healthcare and wellness professionals, coaches, therapists, doulas and more. Stitching together a network of people you trust can bring you confidence in your decisions and capabilities as a parent.
So, if you are pregnant or a new mama, open your arms and reach out to those around you. Assemble a tribe filled with people you trust, whom you can call, text and visit with in person, when you’re full of joy, sadness or anger.
References
Harré, M, Social Network Size Linked to Brain Size, Scientific American, 2012
Haidt J, The Happiness Hypothesis, 2006
Vaezi A, Soojoodi F, Banihashemi AT, Nojomi M, The association between social support and postpartum depression in women: A cross sectional study, 2019